Fifth-y Shades

Avery's first shitshow birthday party was on Saturday, and boy, what a cesspool fun time that was! 


It all started when she woke up with a rash on her cheeks. "Amazing", I thought, "She's going to have a teething rash in all her first birthday part pictures."


All about the aesthetics over here. 


She had a quick nap that morning and then refused to go to sleep any more that day pre-party. On top of all of this, she also started to develop a rash on her bum out of nowhere. Brad and I were sure by this time that she was going to be a pleasant little darling by the time our guests started to arrive. 


Ha. 

I'm tired, I have a rash on my cheeks and my ass is sore. Get out of my face.

By the time we broke out the cake, Avery was all but ready to spin her head around. We tried to pull it together but about an hour into the party she had to tap out. Not an issue. Luckily Brad and I were smart enough to have our party at our house and supplied wine and beer which meant no one was really there to see Avery anyway. 

That night Kate and I went downtown to watch Boner play at the Rockhouse (again with the White Collar Criminals. I love these guys!) and by the time it was all said and done I didn't get home until about 2 or so. Avery woke up at 4 and was clearly miserable. She couldn't get comfortable, was whining, didn't want me to leave, etc. Finally by quarter to five, I bit the bullet, pulled an Ashley, and climbed in the crib. 

The dignity stripping that occurred was second only to the birth of my child. 

Luckily, Avery settled out with her momma curled around her (I can't bring her in our bed as it's about 8 feet off the ground and she could fall to her death), and the two of us slept soundly until 6:45 when she woke up and was burning up. 

I called Brad in for assistance and checked her temp rectally. It was 39.8 Celsius. Pretty high. Her bum rash was also getting out of hand despite the fact that I layered diaper rash cream and Vaseline on with a plaster knife the night before. Brad casually asked if he should get ready so we could take her in to emerg. I scoffed at him. I am a nurse. There is nothing they can do for her temp there that I can't do at home. Once again, unless her head is hanging off or her bowels are backed up to her esophagus with shit, we don't leave the house. He sulked back to bed as I administered some Tylenol. 

When all of this was taken care of, we put her in her playpen in our bedroom (I wish I had thought of that before the crib situation) and she slept a little longer. When she awoke, her temp was normal. 

All day yesterday she was going back and forth between spiking a temp and cooling down. She was fussy and her bum rash continued to progress. These teeth were a real couple of buggers. 

Last night she was terrible and never settled for the night until one (highly unlike her). I got up this morning and dragged my sleep deprived, Quasimodo ass to work and tried to appear chipper until I called our sitter at ten to check on her (Brad gets her up, dressed and brings her to daycare on days that I work so I hadn't seen her since last night). Turns out she was trying to call me at the same time, as Avery's rash had progressed from her bum, down her legs and up her back and belly. Her sitter suspected Fifths Disease. I didn't know what the hell it was but it meant that I had to come get her. Poor little scrap. 

I picked her up from daycare and brought her to the doctor who squeezed me in. She confirmed it, Fifths Disease it is. 

I know that all the moms from the party who are reading this (particularly Stephanie) are probably stroking out while simultaneously Googling the signs, symptoms, any doctors who practice Western Medicine that can cure it in one fell swoop, and booking tickets to see said doctors, but there is no need. This dirty little "disease" is viral and nothing can be done. It needs to run its course and all the moms need to keep their hands clean and their kids away from other kids. Tylenol and Vaseline will help. Treating the symptoms is key. A little cornstarch bath in the kitchen sink never went astray either, although it's strangely reminiscent of when I was in daycare twenty odd years ago and they used to make "goop", remember that stuff? Major deja-vu this morning, let me tell ya. 

Anyway, the almost-birthday girl is resting comfortably in her crib at present and this momma is hoping that she starts feeling better soon! Her big day is on Wednesday and nothing ruins a birthday like a festering rash on your ass. Don't lie, you're all nodding in agreement...