This is your mom. You're turning one today, and in the event that you read this blog years down the road, I want you to know that this is what was going through my head on the first anniversary of your birth...
You are wanted.
|Proudly displaying my 20 week old belly!|
Both of your grandfathers wept with joy, and your grandmothers both laughed with excitement. Your Auntie Poddette couldn't believe it, and your great grandparents were ecstatic. When we all found out you were a girl, there were more tears and there was more laughter, and even more love because we knew who was in there, cuddled away in the dark. We couldn't wait to meet you.
Bottom line, the best presents are the ones you didn't see coming.
You are beautiful.
Even at one, you are funny and stubborn and independent. You have a self awareness that blows our minds. You do things the way you want, when you want to do them. Never lose that.
You have the bluest eyes I've ever seen and your dad's long eyelashes. I could stare at you for hours if you would stay still long enough. It's important for you to know, because you are a girl, that you are not always going to feel beautiful, and other people might even try to make you feel ugly. When we went in for our 19 week ultrasound, the technician told us that she could see your heart and it was beautiful. Now that we know you, we know how true it is.
When you don't feel pretty, and when other people try to make you feel ugly, remember that you are a beautiful girl with a beautiful heart. You've been that way since before you were born, when you were tucked away in mommy's tummy, and that is who you are. Don't believe anyone who tries to tell you different.
You are loved.
You have no idea how much your dad and I love you, let alone the rest of your humongous family. You are everything to us and there is nothing in this entire world that is more important than you.
There is going to come a point in your life when you are probably (or just are) going to think that your dad and I are losers who don't understand anything. Around that time you are probably going to have friends that I don't agree with and/or a boyfriend that your dad wants to hunt, capture, torture and murder. There will be times when we will fight and I'm sure there will be slamming of doors and rolling of eyes.
It's important for you to know that when this comes, as I'm sure it will, you will be loved even then.
And so, here is my birthday promise to you:
I promise to always remind you of how wanted, beautiful, and loved you are.
I promise to be your mother and your friend. I promise to be there for you when you need me, and to leave you alone when you need your space. I promise to listen when you have questions and to give you honest answers. I will try not to be overbearing, but I won't let you get away with doing things that could potentially harm you or those close you. I promise to keep you safe, physically and emotionally.
I promise to try my best to raise you as a kind, open minded, loving, happy individual. I promise to embrace your interests and help you cultivate your talents, whatever they may turn out to be.
I promise to never try to make you in to someone you are not.
I promise not to hand everything to you on a silver platter, but to teach you the importance of work ethic and doing things for yourself. You will hate me for a little while but thank me one day when you don't have to rely on anyone for anything and the real world isn't such a slap in the face, that is another promise.
I promise to encourage you to do well in school and I will get upset when you don't work to your potential. This doesn't mean you need to get straight A's, but you will be required to put effort into it. High school is all fun and games until it's time to graduate, then you'll thank me again when you have the education background to become whatever it is you want to become, and your dad and I will be so proud we'll be practically bursting.
Finally, I promise to always be there when you need me. For anything. I promise to be your safe haven. I promise to be a mother that you can talk to about anything. Yes, anything. I promise to hold on to the feeling of my grade seven boyfriend breaking up with me over the phone, so that when it happens to you I'll remember how devastating it is and understand. Similarly, I will always hang on to my memories of how life altering it is to be in a fight with a best friend, or to have a crush on someone who doesn't even know I exist. I will not treat these issues as insignificant or immature because I know to you, it's your whole world falling apart. I promise to be there for you if/when that happens.
This has been an awesome year. You have made our lives so much better just by being in it, and it's only just the beginning. There is absolutely nothing I would rather do for the rest of my life than watch you grow and see what kind of amazing woman you become.
Happy Birthday, baby. Mommy and Daddy love you more than you could ever imagine... until you have your own ;)